Stuffed peppers, feta and spinach parcels, salad, bread

This is going to sound humblebrag-y, or even insulting to y’all (and apologies if it does), but I sometimes wonder what you, my readers, see in this blog. I find it boring at times and I’m living the events I’m writing about!

Yesterday was particularly that way: when watching Suki watching Springwatch is the highlight of the day, you know it’s been a dull one. (Although, tbf, she is very cute when watching tv – her eyes go big, her ears go forward, and she twitches and sways her head as she lives every moment. And if a predator pounces… I can’t really do a jump-scare in print, but Suki startles with the movement, so much so she nearly falls off the arm of the sofa!)

Otherwise, yesterday was a day of admin – a lifetime of career progression relegated to a series of “no, I’m not angry with you, mum, I’m just trying to concentrate” moments.

I responded to a message from the GP instructing mum to urgently see a dentist with a request for advice on how to achieve that when mum’s anxiety and paranoia is causing her to refuse to go. (The same paranoia that caused her to wake me up because she thought people who didn’t like her were making her head hurt. When I started to gently explain that no, it’s a long-standing problem, she stormed off because I was ‘being mean’. She apologised when she understood that she had mistaken my tone, but living with mum has always been like walking on eggshells, and with the addition of Alzheimer’s those eggshells now have dynamite under them. It’s exhausting.)

I called the Pain Clinic to try to cancel / reschedule my appointment this week, because the community car service I rely on can’t take me and using a taxi will cost me upwards of £100. They didn’t answer so, on the third attempt, I left a message, despite knowing from previous experience that they don’t check their messages.

I contacted another voluntary car service, Optio, to ask a couple of questions before signing up. They responded quickly so I think I will pay the £80 membership fee, and just hope they have enough volunteers in this rural area to make it a worthwhile investment.

I called a financial institution as part of the latest installment of the ongoing saga of sorting out my finances after the medical emergency in 2024 that left me functionally homeless, jobless, and in a lot of debt. Then I called my bank to set up a standing order, because their app – which, like most organisations, they push everyone to use – doesn’t have the functionality for you to do it online. Seriously, HSBC?!

I told mum that the financial calls had, in the nicest way, nothing to do with her, and she should go and watch tv while I made them. But she insisted on hovering over me, listening to every word, then spent the next half hour worrying if we have enough money and food, and that she’s stupid for not understanding what I was talking to ‘those people’ about, and “we will be OK, won’t we?”

A lifetime of doing admin for people whose immense IQs didn’t extend to understanding why the electric kettle didn’t work in a power cut (academics, and that’s a true story) didn’t prepare me for doing admin while under constant surveillance by Alzheimer’s.

(I have to keep reminding myself that it’s the illness that’s responsible for the clinginess, paranoia, and inability to understand the answers she demands to have, although the refusal to let me have the privacy which would protect her from questions in the first place is all mum.)

For dinner I did another ‘stuff on a baking tray’ special: stuffed peppers, and feta and spinach parcels (both from Tesco, both very good) with bread and salad. That finished, mum asked if I was going to make anything else (I may have made a rod for my own back with the recent run of making desserts), turned her nose up at everything I offered, then ate the banoffee sundae I bought for myself, and two ice cream cones (Cornetto dupes, and I won’t tell her they’re vegan if you don’t!).

Then Springwatch with Suki the Great Hunter, and mum interrupting every couple of minutes because she hates it when I give my full attention to anything that isn’t her. Then lying on the bed, playing mobile games, with Suki purring on the floor at my side until it was time to sleep.

And time to realise I hadn’t written the day’s post. Oh well – it’s here now, just a little late.