Chicken fillet burger and salad
Another difficult day with mum today.
She refused to get up this morning and sent the carer away, leaving me and the carer exchanging helpless shrugs.
My every attempt at sympathy and reassurance was met with snapping and sarcastic dismissal. She was clearly trying to bait me into an angry response that would enable her to take the high ground. (I’m not suggesting that she is doing this consciously, but it is such an ingrained behavioural pattern that it has survived the reduction in cognitive awareness.)
In an attempt to prevent myself from saying something I would regret, I gave up on trying to be sympathetic in favour of vague “mm”s. By mid-afternoon, mum was claiming that she hadn’t seen me in ages, and was really missing me. She had, as usual, been in and out of my room every five minutes all day, so there was no possible way she could have missed me.
When I, foolishly, pointed this out, she escalated to crying performatively at my window (I know it was a performance by the lack of actual tears) because “you don’t care about me at all, do you?”
There are times when hitting my head against a wall physically, rather than just metaphorically, seems like it would be less painful than dealing with mum every day.
While all this was going on, I was also trying to book my hotel for the first aid course next month. I intended to book at the Premier Inn in Newport, as the one I stayed at in Southampton was perfect for my needs.
Sadly, they didn’t have any available rooms with a walk-in shower, just ones with a ‘lowered bath’. I wasn’t sure if this style of bath comes with an access / lift chair, so I called the ‘specialist accessibility team’ to ask.
The person I spoke to was… let’s say, less than helpful. She clearly had no idea what a bath lift was: she checked if the hotel had a lift, then assured me I could get a shower stool from reception, then, when I finally managed to get her to grasp what I was asking about, declared that no, of course they don’t provide “anything like that”.
So instead I’m booked in at a Travelodge, that is sufficiently cheaper than a Premier Inn that I booked a Plus room, which comes with a coffee machine, hot chocolate, and a “free chocolate treat”. Sounds positively bearable, I’m sure you’ll agree!
With groceries due to be delivered tomorrow, dinner tonight was a “what’s left over?” meal: frozen chicken fillet burgers, salad, and pitta bread. It was fine.
Then, because even with the heated clothes dryer having been moved to the living room, it’s still pretty chilly in here, mum and I both had ice cream for dessert.
Now I just need to stay awake long enough to try to answer a few questions on Only Connect, then I can curl up with Suki and hope mum doesn’t wake me too often overnight. Because all I can do is hope.
