Tikka chicken, spiced baby potatoes, mixed veg

I’ve been feeling really quite low today. As usual recently, mum refused to get out of bed until lunchtime, leaving Suki yo snuggle against me, trying to raise my mood through purr power alone.

Mum eventually got up, complaining of a terrible headache, but refused painkillers. Then she complained of a headache, but refused painkillers. And so on, over and over, until I snapped at her to “take the damn painkillers, then!”

Then we went through the drama of mum accusing me of not liking her, she loves me so much, why don’t I love her? Then, after making me cry, she perked up and wandered off quite happily to make a cup of tea.

I think a lot of the time mum doesn’t care what sort of reaction she gets from me as long as I react. Once I do, even if it’s with frustration or pure misery, she’s happy.

My mood, meanwhile, has settled into low-grade sadness. I have promised mum that I will call the GP for her on Monday, and I’m now thinking that I might ask to talk to someone myself, too. Raising my daily dose of antidepressants won’t deal with any of the causes of my low mood, of course, but it might at least take the edge off how I’m feeling.

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This afternoon my BIL called, and he asked me how I’m doing. I wanted to speak to him privately, so I could tell the truth, but mum followed me to my room and hovered over me. I asked her to go back in the front room. She did, but stayed there for less than 10 seconds before coming back to hover over me.

I asked her to leave again, and this time I shut the door behind her. So, for the rest of the conversation, she stood outside my door and called through it every 30 seconds, asking if I was OK, claiming she was frightened, and when would I be back?

At least my BIL now really understands why I want to move out!

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For dinner I simply roasted some ‘tikka baby potatoes with mango chutney’, pan-fried some tikka chicken sizzlers, and microwaved some veg. I told mum to take all of the baby corn, as it’s her favourite veg, and watched as she took pretty much the whole bowl of veg, leaving me one piece of broccoli, two green beans, and half a dozen carrot ribbons. I really do need to start serving dinner myself, as mum has lost the art of sharing and I would like a little more veg on my plate!

Now I have left mum with her beloved Strictly Come Dancing in the hopes she might let me finish my book in peace, in the company of Suki and some chocolate cookies. It might happen.