Vegetable stirfry with plum sauce; Chinese-y snacks

It was still dark when mum’s voice dragged me out of a deep sleep: “someone’s tapping at the front door!” I responded with a sleepy and rather uninterested “huh”, but mum wouldn’t settle or drop the subject until I had turned the lights on and checked that there was, in fact, no-one at the door.

Within minutes mum was back in bed and snoring, but it took me considerably longer to calm down enough to go back to sleep.

I was therefore less than happy when my phone rang just before 9am and woke me up again. The caller was an Admiral Nurse, calling to let me know that she would be arriving at 9.30am and not at 10.30am as scheduled. Except I had no idea she was coming at all, my referral to Admiral Nurses having apparently disappeared into the depths of their multi-month waiting list.

Mum thankfully slept through most of my conversation with the nurse, allowing me to be open with her about just how hellish living with mum has become recently. The nurse strongly supported my intention to move out into my own space, and even offered – if the timing works – to be here on the day I leave with Suki, to provide a calming presence in what could become a heated situation.

After the nurse left, mum languished in bed for another hour or so, complaining how much her head hurt but refusing painkillers. Then she accepted the painkillers, instead repeating over and over that she was scared.

Finally she got up, washed and dressed with minimal direction from me, and went to get some breakfast. But I had relaxed too soon as, within moments, mum was back in my room, wearing only her underwear, telling me that she didn’t know how to get dressed or where her clothes were.

Without getting up, I talked her through putting on a t-shirt, but only the pair of jeans she had had on a few minutes previously would do, and she couldn’t find them. She whined, and acted confused, and repeated “can’t you help me?”, until I got up and found the jeans on the sofa, where she would have seen them if she had looked. But why would she look when she has a me to do it for her?

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This afternoon, after much panicking, I dispatched mum and Lady Friday off to the dentist, and settled down to talk to a social worker about my need for support as a carer. The social worker was lovely, and supportive, but concluded that she really needs to do an assessment of mum’s needs, for which she has to have mum’s permission. I said I would ask mum when she got home, but I admit I haven’t yet felt strong enough to broach the subject.

That call done, I called a couple of lettings agents and left messages, one for a flat in Ryde that looks very promising – beautifully decorated, step-free, close enough to the seafront that I could probably manage it on crutches – and the agent just needs to confirm with the landlord if pets are allowed. If so, I will be arranging a viewing.

Then mum and Lady Friday came home, let me know that mum’s teeth are pretty much fine and just need a clean from a hygienist. Mum has an appointment booked in early December, but the (very helpful) front desk staff will let me know if they have a cancellation sooner, on a Tuesday or Friday afternoon as that’s when Lady Friday is around.

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After Lady Friday headed on her way, I told mum that I just wanted to finish something then I would be with her, and start cooking dinner. She agreed, but only minutes later she was back in my room asking for my help with something urgent: getting her ice cream from the freezer in the garage.

After extracting said ice cream, I cooked dinner – fresh baby carrots with frozen onions and frozen peppers, with plum sauce from a bottle, and some Chinese-style snacks from Tesco’s fridge section – and collapsed in a chair.

My energy levels are insanely low atm, probably as a result of the constant stress I’m under, and getting to bedtime in the face of mum’s constant attempts at provocation feels near impossible. So I’m going to implement one of mum’s favoured coping mechanisms, and go and get some ice cream. If anyone wants me, I’ll be eating my way through a box of Snickers ice cream bars.

I’ll see you tomorrow. 🍫🍦