Brie and bacon roll with salad

This morning I drifted awake to find I was peacefully hugging a teddy bear. A teddy bear that had green eyes, and purred. 😻

Then mum called through the door “aren’t you going to get up?” and my peace evaporated into irritation and resentment.

Sadly those emotions coloured most of my interactions with mum for the rest of the day, and I found myself pulling away so as to not snap. By mid-morning, mum was obviously aware of my increased distance, and she reacted in her favoured way, by playing up her anxiety and pain.

After several rounds of “my stomach hurts” but refusing medication because “it’s not too bad”, mum escalated further, to “you don’t love me anymore, do you?” The cause of this outburst? I put the washing machine on, and failed to read mum’s mind that she wanted to wash her hair at that exact moment.

The irony, of course, is that the more drama she creates, the less I want to stay with her.

🟡⚪️⚫️

A brief lunar diversion: With the eclipse rolling across the UK, I thought I would try viewing it using a colander. It kinda worked, until I wanted to come back inside and my legs didn’t want to do the small step over the threshold. Mum had to almost haul me back inside – very embarrassing.

For dinner I made brie and bacon rolls, which we ate with salad. Mum said it was “different. But nice”.

Now we’ve got the strange light of an eclipse outside, which mum is struggling to understand (she has already closed the kutchen blind for the night) almost as much as she is struggling with the concept of me going away. I hate to think how she will react when I finally tell her that I am moving out permanently.

That’s a problem for another day, thankfully.