Farfalle alla leftovers

Today has been one of those days when I really, really hate being a carer.

I got up to feed Suki, and mum called from her bed “I don’t want to get up”. I said “that’s fine, you don’t need to get up”. Mum got up anyway, got dressed, then decided she didn’t feel well and went back to bed.

I went out to meet a friend for coffee and, when I came home and let myself in, I woke mum up. I said “I brought you lemon drizzle cake!” Mum said “oh. I’m going back to sleep”.

Some time later, mum got up, found the lemon cake, and ate it with great enthusiasm. Then she ate the last remaining tub of coffee ice cream, and a banana. And that was her food intake today, until I cooked dinner: pasta to a Simply Cook recipe, to which I added leftover chicken and marinated peppers.

Mum looked at it, and said “I don’t think I’ll like this”. She ate three mouthfuls and said “I can’t eat this. But I have to, don’t I?” (Passive-aggressive mum at her finest there.)

I offered her a sandwich instead: emmental and ham, her favourite. She took one bite, and declared it “too dry”. I added sandwich pickle, but it was “too much”.

Eventually she agreed to eat some salad, straight from the bag, after I told her she couldn’t have any more sweet stuff until she ate some proper food. She finished about two-thirds of the sandwich and several handfuls of lettuce, occasionally stopping to ask if she had to eat more. I said “no” every time – she had at least had something that wasn’t just sugar and fat – but she kept eating anyway, just to push home the point that I was making her eat something she didn’t want to eat.

I have never been a parent, so these kind of battles over food are a new and very unwelcome development for me. Tomorrow we have a visit from Carers IW, and a phone call from the Memory Service, and I’m going to beg both of them for help.

Mum has what is apparently an atypical presentation of Alzheimer’s, which means a lot of the standard advice for caring for someone with dementia isn’t relevant. On days like today, I really feel that loss of a road map, to save me from beating my head fruitlessly against the nearest wall.

I am really not enjoying this atm.