Vegetable korma and brown rice

I’m struggling tonight. The lack of antidepressants is really starting to show: my mood is swinging all over the place, from tears to self-harm to wanting to scream at mum that ffs, your phone is in your hand, you clearly haven’t lost it at all.

I spent most of the afternoon building a replica of one of the local pubs in The Sims, because it beats thinking about things. Suki, for the first time, sauntered into my bedroom to find me, and looked out through the glass door without panicking. Every day we get slightly better.

For most of the day we had sun, except for a dramatic ten minutes or so when the clouds decided it was winter and produced large quantities of hail, which turned the garden white for maybe two minutes. Then the sun came out again and it all melted, and spring returned.

For dinner I made a nice, healthy vegetable curry, replacing the cream and coconut cream with fat free yoghurt. Mum and I agreed the result was the very definition of ‘barely OK’. Mum finished hers. I didn’t finish mine.

Then I had a few spoonfuls of Halo Top gooey chocolate brownie ice cream: reduced fat, reduced calorie, reduced ‘being worth eating’, imo. Or maybe it’s just my mood, but either way the tub went back in the freezer.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I could really do with a better day soon.