Pasta carbonara
Yesterday I mentioned to mum that I would like to go down to the Tesco in the village, and mum said she’d like to come with me. I expected that, when it came to it, she wouldn’t want to come, but the third time she mentioned it this afternoon I realised I was wrong.
And so I found a taxi company that could take us, and we headed down to the shop, where I rediscovered how much of a pain it is to go shopping when you’re disabled. All the accessible parking spots were full, and it was sheer good fortune that a space opposite the door opened up as we were driving past. The taxi driver probably shouldn’t have cut across to get the space first, but I’m glad he did.
Then it was into the shop and into the queue for customer services to ask to borrow the in-store mobility scooter, then onto the scooter and trying to balance my crutches so they didn’t take anyone’s legs from under them. Once I started moving, it became apparent that taking out people’s legs was, in many cases, the only way to get to where I wanted to be: people just don’t look down from eye level to see the poor person on wheels trying to get to the fridge containing an entire poultry farm’s-worth of chicken pieces. Shame they didn’t have all that when putting together our delivery last week, as that would have saved me a good deal of effort.
(To the small number of people who did see me, and moved out of the way so I could get through, and even more so to the people who encouraged others to move out of my way, thank you. I would still be sitting in the meat aisle if it wasn’t for you.)
Paying for our stuff was even more of a challenge, as the checkout lane was almost exactly the same width as the scooter. The checkout operator, at least, was very kind: when he saw me struggling, he told me to take my time, it was my turn, and the people behind me would just have to wait until it was theirs.
I then got stuck on the corner of the checkout and no amount of backwards and forwards would get me free. I had to get off while mum and the nice Scottish person in the queue1 behind us lifted the scooter free and moved it round for me. Then I had to park the scooter and return the keys, once a young lad finished deliberating over which charity should get his blue counter while standing right in front of me so I couldn’t get anywhere. Then I had to pick up our bags of shopping, leaving mum to carry the bunch of flowers and posh box of crackers I had bought for her, and struggle back to the taxi.
Because here’s the thing: it is a struggle. Most of the time I can cope at home – not without much complaining, as you know, but I can cope. But when I go out I am reminded that I am disabled in a world which still really doesn’t cope well with disability.
On top of the physical barriers, of which there are many no matter what form of disability you have, there is the constant sense that we (disabled people) have to perform disability correctly.2 It feels like: look at Paralympians, look at all the people who do amazing, world-changing things while being disabled, and you’re saying you find it upsetting to drive a scooter round a supermarket? You can do anything you want to do if you just try hard enough!
And maybe I could, but I have enough to cope with in learning to be disabled, and learning to be a carer, and sometimes yes, that means a simple trip to the supermarket leaves me exhausted and wanting to curl up in a ball and cry. I’m so grateful for Bonnie, a whippet / pharaoh hound cross who was happy to let me stroke her super-soft ears while she waited for her second person to emerge from the shop. Bless you, sweet pupper – I needed dog affection more than I can say.
For dinner I did one of my favourite pasta sauces, carbonara. My version isn’t 100% authentic – sorry, Italian purists, but British back bacon was what I had in the fridge – but it takes less time than it takes to boil water and cook pasta, and is salty, savoury, and wonderfully comforting.
(Fry chopped bacon until crisp. While it’s frying, break two eggs into a bowl and beat with a heaped tablespoon (or two) of grated parmesan and ground black pepper. Add some chopped garlic to the bacon and cook for 30 seconds or so. Turn the heat down as low as it will go, then add the drained pasta and stir to distribute the bacon and garlic. Add the cheesy eggs and stir into the pasta, keeping it moving so it turns into a creamy sauce rather than scrambled eggs. Serve with more grated cheese and ground black pepper on top.)
This evening it’s quiz tv, and then retreating to my room to make a start on the overabundance of sweet stuff I now have in my snack box. Do I have custard creams, whole nut chocolate, chocolate animal biscuits, or stollen bites? Or more than one of those? Decisions, decisions. 🤔
Is it pineapple sponge today? 