Jacket potatoes with sausages and beans

This morning mum woke me while it was still dark, to tell me she had a headache. I asked if she wanted painkillers: no, she was going back to sleep. So why wake me? Who knows?

Just as I was going back to sleep, mum called through my door again to tell me she had a headache. This time she did want painkillers, so I got up, gave her the tablets, and went back to sleep.

A couple of hours later, I was dragged from the middle of a dream by mum saying something I didn’t catch because I was trying to work out where I was and where the horse I had been riding in my dream had gone. Once I got that sorted, I put in my contact lenses and went to check on mum, only to find she was almost asleep herself.

Later on, when we were both awake at the same time, mum told me that she’d had a nightmare and it combined with her ever-present headache to leave her confused and panicking.

That sorted, we settled down to wait for the doctor / nurse / whoever to come and see mum. We waited.

And waited.

And waited. (This feels strangely familiar.)

Around quarter to four, I called the practice to check that someone was definitely coming. Yes, I was told, he’s on his way.

So we waited some more.

Eventually it got dark and mum started asking when food would be, so I cooked and served dinner. [I have realised while writing this that I was so caught up in mum’s problems that I forgot to take my own pain meds this afternoon – no wonder my feet are hurting!]

As mum was washing up, the phone rang (the landline again, despite asking several times now for them to call my mobile instead) and our friendly local paramedic started telling me the details of the very involved headache diary he wants me to keep for the next week: my memory is very good, but after the tenth or eleventh item I had to ask him to wait for me to grab a pen and paper.

My current working theory, which the paramedic agreed is a real possibility, is that mum is having recurrent migraines. I had initially written that off as an idea as mum has had migraines all her life and they always came with visual disturbances that aren’t present now, but a lot of the other symptoms suggest migraines so – idk, maybe? Hopefully the headache diary will help confirm one way or the other.

Tomorrow I have a visit scheduled from the owner of a local care agency, to discuss arranging a sitting service once a week so I can go out, or do some work, or just read in peace for a couple of hours. I mentioned it to mum and she wasn’t happy – she wants me, or her friend R if it really can’t be me – but I’m going to buck a lifetime of conditioning and not give in to mum’s emotional manipulation, and she’ll just have to learn to live with it.

I feel horrible just writing that, which tells you how well mum has me trained: don’t let me give in, will you peeps?

And now it’s that time of the day when I wait for it to be an appropriate time to sleep. Goodnight until tomorrow, all.