Risotto stuffed peppers with salad and garlic bread

Today was a better day, although it didn’t start that way.

Just as it was getting light, I surfaced from a deep, deep sleep to hear mum asking me something. I responded with something witty and appropriate, like “wuh?”, and mum said “oh, never mind”. I rolled over and prepared to go back to sleep.

Just as I started to drift off again, mum called through my door “well, are you going or not?”, and I remembered that mum had had one of her panic sessions over the thought of putting the bin out this morning, so I’d said I would do it.

A few minutes later I was outside, squeezed between a very wet shrub and an equally wet car – fortunately in a brief gap in the rain – trying to balance two crutches and two bags of food waste, while working out how to open the caddy which is designed to be vermin-proof and is also, apparently, Cat-proof. Mum had to come and help me, and carried the caddy to its collection point, thus negating the whole reason for me being out there.

A few hours later, I woke up for the second time and, after the usual round of mum’s meds, breakfast, my meds, COFFEE, phoned the local council to arrange for the bins to be collected for us in future. In the next week or so we will receive a letter telling us where our collection point will be, and then that’s sorted.

Then I phoned a prospective respite carer, who promised to call me back when she’s not with a client as she was when I called. Mum insisted on sitting with me while I made the call, then spent the next hour or so panicking and guilt-tripping me about needing time to myself (“I know I’m not very clever these days, I don’t blame you for wanting to get rid of me” 🙄).

Then I sat in the living room with mum and watched quiz shows. Mum was sharp enough to be able to join in with answering questions, at least on Lingo, but that same sharpness meant that she was very aware of her recent diagnosis. She was clearly finding it very upsetting – not surprisingly – and made several comments about being stupid. If I asked her a question about something, she would say “I don’t know, I’m [waving a finger by her temple] these days – you’ll have to do it”.

I really feel for her: I think what she really needs is someone besides me to talk to, but her reluctance to leave the house, alongside the ridiculously long waiting lists for mental health support (12 to 18 months in this area), mean that could be a challenge.

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Tonight’s edition of “things mum likes to eat” was risotto-stuffed peppers (ready-made from Tesco, rather than homemade, this time) with salad and garlic flatbread. Mum ate all of her half pepper, lots of salad, and most of half of the flatbread, which was a vast improvement on her recent food intake. She commented that the stuffed pepper wasn’t the sort of thing she usually liked but that it was pretty good, which I’ll take as a verdict.

Now it’s raining again, but at least I don’t have to get up and go out in the rain to fight with a bin tomorrow morning, which is something.