Lamb and mint burger, crispy potatoes, asparagus and sweetcorn; strawberry cheesecake with strawberries and cream ice cream

Today I have had to bite my tongue so many times it’s a miracle it’s still attached.

item one: mum asking me for confirmation that she had done well in waking me so much later than she really wanted to. That later time was 7.04am, which I guess is preferable to 5 something am, but I would still prefer no wake-ups at all.

Item two: today has been a health anxiety day. There is a limit to how many times I can say “it’s anxiety causing your stomach ache / back pain¹ / frequent need to pee / chest pain” without feeling the overwhelming urge to add “you know this!”.

Item three: mum has been complaining all day (and for the past few days) about how often she needs to pee. I told her I will call the doctor about it tomorrow, meaning I will have to be up ready to call at 8.30. Mum said “oh, that’s too early for me, don’t bother”. I’m going to do it anyway, though, before I bite my tongue clean off because she’s complaining about it again.

In between all that, I managed to send an email, make a phone call, and that’s about it. I don’t know why I feel so tired: biting my tongue obviously takes more energy than it would seem.

I now feel like I’m spending far too much of my posts complaining – this is a blog post not a therapy session – so I will note that, anxiety aside, mum continues to be much more alert and like her old self. Maybe that’s why the anxiety annoys me so much, because otherwise she IS herself again.

Anyways… tonight was another one when mum asked “what’s for dinner?”, and I had to admit I had no idea. A brief dig through the freezer later, I had burgers, ready-cubed potatoes, and sweetcorn, and the fridge provided asparagus. Mum likes all these things, and proudly showed me that she had eaten everything except the last couple of bites of her burger: it really is like looking after a small child at times.

For dessert we had strawberry cheesecake and strawberries and cream ice cream, both from Iceland and both very good: the ice cream is made in Italy and really tastes like it. (I think my eyes may have rolled back in my head at the first mouthful: it really is that good. Even mum enjoyed it and she usually doesn’t care for strawberry flavoured things, although she does like strawberries.)

Atm mum and I are discussing whether or not we need to put the light on (not yet, wait five minutes, is our mutual decision): it’s meant to rain soon and tomorrow, so I may have to postpone my planned trip to Tesco to get more coffee. If you never har from me again, you’ll know I’ve perished from under-caffeination. It’s been fun.

1. Well, that one also has a physical cause – a pulled lower back muscle that we’re on the waiting list to see a specialist about – but the anxiety makes it worse. ↩︎