Vegetable pad thai with tempura prawns

Since developing my chronic illness I have been unable to drink alcohol: not just “shouldn’t” because of the meds I’m taking, but “can’t” because having even a couple of mouthfuls makes me physically sick. In the absence of alcohol, I have discovered that I can replicate that floaty, woozy, slightly unwell feeling of being drunk by being overtired to the point of collapse.

I’m not quite at that stage rn, but by the time I got to sleep last night I definitely was. I was therefore less than pleased when mum woke me this morning at 6am, then again about an hour later, then I think again at least once. I say “I think”, because I have a vague memory of mum asking me about something and me responding with something that may or may not have been coherent, then I went back to a deep sleep. Not great for a carer, but sometimes you’ve just gotta sleep.

Today mum had a friend visit, and they went out for a walk which left me with a good half hour to read in blissful silence. They came back with the friend having convinced mum to try going to church on Sunday, where she (mum) had previously decided to take a week off. I know the friend meant well, but she’s not the one who has had to deal with mum’s tears and chest pains of anxiety all afternoon, and non-stop anxious talking all evening, and doubtless one or more early morning anxiety knocks on my door. I may need to resist the urge to send a grumpy text to the friend when I’m woken up early tomorrow, and simply curse her name in the privacy of my head.

Dinner was a Simply Cook pad thai, and very good it was too, with an amazing depth of flavour for something that only took fifteen minutes or so to cook. I couldn’t be bothered to get the prawns from the freezer in the garage, so instead cooked the tempura prawns I had intended for another meal. I thought it was delicious: mum said it was good but only ate about half of her portion, probably because the anxiety had stolen her appetite. She ate her coffee cake and ice cream with enthusiasm, though!

And that’s another day done, with little achieved but a great sense of exhaustion. I’ll just have to keep on swimming, or staggering if / when the tiredness really kicks in. Good night, all.