Nacho bean burgers, chips and salad; toffee apple pudding and ice cream

My to do list gets longer every day, no matter how much I achieve the previous day. One thing I achieved today was to finally sign the form that relinquishes ownership of my flat on the mainland to the mortgage company, marking the official end of my life as an independent person. Its import is such that I have been putting off signing it until the mortgage company started threatening legal action if I didn’t either pay the amount outstanding on my mortgage or sign the form: it just seems (and is) so final, announcing that my life has changed forever.

As a result I have been feeling less than sparkly today, but any hint from me that I’m not entirely happy sends mum into a mini crisis of “have I upset you? Did I do something really stupid? I’m sorry if I’ve been stupid again…”, so I have to fake cheerful and cry as quietly as possible once she’s asleep.

(OK, that’s not true: I hide from my feelings inside a mobile phone game, book, and/or overabundance of biscuits. Not that that’s much healthier, if I’m honest.)

There’s also a lack of ‘sparkly bits in the sky’, as mum calls stars when the word itself escapes her, because it’s very cloudy this evening. This is of concern because mum has a GP appointment tomorrow and, as no-one from our limited list of friends is available to drive us there, we’re getting the bus. I don’t think mum has been on a bus in years, maybe decades, so this might be interesting. I could just do without a load of raindrops joining in to make it more interesting.

So I did what I so often do when I’m stressed or sad, or both, and did some cooking. The cake itself came from a packet – toffee cake, with real bits of toffee – to which I added a bottom layer of chopped bramley apples and brown sugar.

It was, naturally, delicious – fruit, cake, and ice cream can’t really not be delicious – after a main course of nacho bean burgers (spicier than last time we had them and, for me, better for it), oven chips, and bagged salad with too much salad cream, if there can be such a thing.

And now to The Repair Shop, and then to bed to read my book, play phone games, and nibble a few of the chocolate caramel digestives I have stashed in my room, and avoid thinking as much as possible. And yes, I feel as pathetic as I must sound. 😥